Heart Prayer

" ...The earnest (heartfelt, continued prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working]." James 5:16


If there's one thing I've learned about prayer these past 12 years, it would be: heartfelt, Holy Ghost, scriptural praying is the way to go. You say, "Well, duh...That's pretty obvious." But, for a lot of people, that kind of praying just doesn't happen. And I was one of those people.

There was a time in my life (specifically in my early twenties) that prayer was hard, it was drudgery, and it was dry. No matter what I did, I just couldn't seem to get passed it. I would hear others talk about how they prayed for this nation, and they were prompted to pray for this person and prayed it through and got the victory. Don't get me wrong, I had times when I would sense the presence of God and things would start to flow. But, the everyday, entering into his presence seemed so far out there for me. My heart wanted that, and I longed for it. Something on the inside of me (praise God) wouldn't let me quit until I got there.

Praise God for anointed, praying women like Billye Brim, Patsy Cameneti, Lynne Hammond and Terri Pearsons - who have taught me so much. The Lord led me to their ministries, and for the past 12 or so years, I have listened and listened and listened, then I listened some more. I learned so much from just watching these women flow in the Holy Ghost. Did you know you can learn by watching someone flow with the Holy Ghost? Well, you can. Brother Hagin would say this often: "Prayer is better caught than taught." Although teaching is very important. I spend most of my time teaching when we have our prayer meetings, but he understood that you can learn just as well by demonstration.

What I appreciated most about hooking up with these ladies ministries, is they were faithful to teach then demonstrate. It was the very thing that I needed for me to develop an ever-flowing prayer life before the Father. It has also helped me lead prayer in my church. Once I learned how to flow with the Holy Ghost (and I'm still learning), that's when things got exciting got me.

One time during worship the Lord spoke this to me: "Take me by the hand and I'll take you places you've never dreamed before." I knew what He meant when he spoke that - He was referring to prayer. And, if I would've known then what I know now, I would've ran around that church with such excitement.

Ephesians 2:6 "And Christ has raised US up together and made us sit together in heavenly places." Praise God! That's a redemptive work of Christ that he did in us: made us to sit in the heavenlies with him. Woohoo... And when this becomes a revelation to you, it will change the way you pray. Actually what it does is, when you learn to take your place, you will start to see things from His point of view. You'll pray from a raised-up position, not this broke down, low position. It's a victorious place! Isn't that exciting? You want to know something else that's exciting? God is no respecter of persons. If He'll take me places I've never dreamed before, he'll do the same for you.

Glory to God!

Exactly Where I Need To Be

As I write this post, I need to take a step back in time and tell you where this is coming from.

Several years ago (specifically early 2012) I had a four-year-old and a seven-year-old. Things were getting easy. Let me rephrase that: we had two kids that could wipe their own tooshies, feed themselves, even make the occasional PB&J, do chores, brush their teeth, I could take them to the pool and have a conversation with an adult or even read a book without constant, hands-on supervision. I understand it's never easy raising children, but the baby/toddler stage was over. Although I missed it dearly, and can say I truly never wished my kids to grow up; except for Beau - the first six weeks of his life was rough for me. And, the funny thing is, he was a great baby, but I had postpartum depression pretty bad and struggled. But, this season of my life was coming to an end and we were entering into a new chapter. 

C.F. and I had talked about trying for a third in 2010. When Lucy was around two we started trying and we didn't get pregnant. After a few months of trying we both thought, "What are we doing?" "Lets just enjoy what have." And that's exactly what we did! 

Things were flowing very smoothly. I had even thought about getting a small job, but the leading in my heart was not in that direction. I was teaching Wednesday prayer and being able to study and give my time for preparation was no longer dependent on whether this one went down for a nap, or if daddy was going to be home to assist. I could sit in the other room and they just knew mommy was studying for the nights service. It was fantastic! 

Every Wednesday Billye Brim leads a noon-time prayer service via the internet, and I endeavor to participate every chance I get. This one particular Wednesday (I believe it was Spring 2011) her daughter was leading the service and was giving her testimony on how she was seeking the Lord about the next phase of her life. Her kids were older and she had some things in her heart she wanted to do and was ready to take a step in that direction. But what the Lord spoke to her shocked her, and quite frankly shocked me, too. He said he wanted her to have a baby. To her surprise, she says, "Excuse me?" "I don't want another baby!" He then says, "I want you to have another baby. There is a supply in this baby that I want to bring in this earth." 

Oooooooooooooo.... Hallelujah! When she said that, it dropped in my heart. Immediately. It was so strong; I knew the Holy Ghost spoke through her for me. And because it was so strong in my heart, I just knew when I told CF what happened he was gonna shout and come in agreement with me.

 Nope. Not at all! When I told him what I felt the Lord was speaking to me, his response was, "Yeah, I'm not getting that." *Gasp* Quite frankly it hurt my feelings and made me a little angry. Here I had came to terms with not having anymore babies, then the Lord speaks that to me?! Then my husband tells me no?! Ah...the torture. So, I did what every women has ever done: tried to boss him and talk him into it. It didn't work; I was losing my touch. ;)

I would like to say that my husband didn't miss God, or wasn't hearing from him. There are times in our lives that God will speak direction to us and it doesn't always mean "right now", or even that you should share it with other people. Notice what Mary did after the angel came and spoke to her about Jesus: "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:19 We could learn SO much from that one scripture right there. His timing is very dependent on when we do AND say things. Huge learning lesson for me. Waiting on his timing can be a challenge, but when you start to learn of his never-ending goodness and that he has your best interest at heart, waiting on his timing gets a little easier each time.

Now I'm faced what the Lord spoke me, and then my husbands response to that. What was I to do? My husbands role with me having another child was a pretty important one. Ha! I did something I should've done in the first place: take this issue and give it to the Lord. Duh! Here my Father in heaven knows EVERYTHING! Absolutely everything. He has the answer to EVERY situation, yet he was the last one I turned to. Thank goodness for his mercy and grace, because it was his grace that empowered me to lay this plan at his feet and trust him. I can honestly say I didn't give pregnancy another thought, almost to point that I forgot about it.

Summer 2012 rolls around and we decide we need to have a garage sale. As I'm preparing for it, I asked C.F. one more time if he was sure. I mean this is it, we're getting rid of everything: baby clothes, baby gear, car seats... baby everything. This is it. He couldn't have been more sure. Okay! I wasn't even sad, or angry. I still had a little desire to have another one, but I was okay. Lets do this! We set the date at the end of June because we were leaving for a family vacation at the beginning of July.

Garage sale was over and we're on our way to Branson for a fun-filled week with C.F.'s mom, his siblings and their families. The first day we're there, everyone splits up and does there own thing. We head to do some light shopping and then eat. While we're eating, nothing sounded appealing. All I wanted to do was go back to the motel and sleep. Right then, red flag for C.F.. Not me; never even crossed my mind. As I'm napping, C.F. sneaks away to buy me a test. When I woke from my nap he shows me the test. *Gasp* That's it! I knew the second I saw it. Oh my goodness. Sure enough, positive.

Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! What are we going to do? :) Of course at first we were in shock, but once we settled down, all we could do is laugh.

How did I not see this? With Beau and Lucy, things were very planned. I knew everything. With this pregnancy, not so much. That proved itself to be true when I had my first prenatal visit. When they asked me how far along, I thought I was 8 or 9 weeks. Umm..no! During the sono it was more like 12. Nice. So what you're saying is I was VERY pregnant when I had the garage sale and sold all my baby stuff?! Again, nice.

Fast forward 8 months (specifically March 8th) and we met our beautiful baby girl, Olive. Life was fantastic. I was a mother of three and I was 100% fully satisfied with my family. I felt complete. Finally, I new this was it.

Now, fast forward seven months. Things were pretty busy in the Rainey household: school functions, PTO functions, church functions, soccer games and flag football. We were busy but not overwhelmed. And through it all, Olive was such a good baby. She was along for the ride, and happy at that. But even though things were good and we were happy with our little lives, I was constantly tormented with thoughts like "You're not doing enough" "You're not making any money" "Look at other people, look at all the stuff they're doing". Comparing yourself to others is one of the biggest attack of the enemy on your soul; it will cause you to be soul sick 2 Cor. 10:4-5. And allowing any thought from the enemy to consume you, even for a second, is a second too long. I allowed those thoughts to consume me, but thank God, not for long  As I began to cry out to the Lord about the plan and his purpose for this season, he came to my rescue. Aren't you so glad our Father will draw nigh as soon as we draw nigh. He wants to be with us. His greatest desire is to fellowship with us. I take comfort in that.

He spoke something to me that not only blessed me but gave me purpose: "The time that you spend before me in prayer and my word, will wash over into the next phase of ministry."

Tears rolled down my face when he spoke that precious word. When God speaks to you, it brings peace, it brings healing, it brings purpose and it will bring you up and set you in a place of confidence in him. Every time.

So here I am blogging about it. This is something that is not my strong suit: writing. At all. But when the Lord is leading you to do something, you obey and trust him to help you. And that's what I'm doing - being obedient. As I feel this is something he's leading me to do during this season, not all entries will be this lengthy or so much about me. I will be about prayer, which is the calling on my life. I love to pray. I especially love to pray with people who know how to swing their sword of authority.

Join me as I endeavor to do this. Lets see where God will take us in this little journey.

God Bless!